guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
