Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
and you fell through a lawn chair
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
