My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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