it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
