dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize