literally had 100 drinks last night.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
