He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
