Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
