420 ftw
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
