Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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