I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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