I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
