i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
