i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
