why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize