How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
