I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
