After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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