I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
