Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
