i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
