24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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