how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
