I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize