I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
