Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
