We won't sleep together?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
