Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize