How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Barsexuality is the new black.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
