her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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