Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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