Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
