You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
