It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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