Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
