if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
