How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
