Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
