No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
