Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
