fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
