I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
