My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize