So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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