i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I smell stomach acid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
