and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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