oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
