I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
