i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
