Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
