I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
