the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
