Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
