Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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