dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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