home. puking in laundry basket.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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