I think i peed on brittanys purse
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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