Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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