i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
