It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
