My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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