Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
