I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize