i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
