Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
