im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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