taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
