Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
