Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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