Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He felt like a one man threesome
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
