wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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