ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I want to fling myself into the sun
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
