I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
