You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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