I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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