I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dicks are not precious.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize