We won't sleep together?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
