its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I smell stomach acid.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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