Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
