Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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