Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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