you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
