My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Houston, we have a blender
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
