For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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