happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
