Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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